Values that must be Accomplished in Children’s Behavior
(Translated)

For children to be reared in a sound manner, four values should be accomplished in their behavior (sulouk) in a balanced manner, so that one value does not dominate over the other value, and no value is erased for the sake of another value, they should rather be established together in their behavior. They are:

1. The spiritual value: the spiritual value is established in children behaviors through connecting them with the Islamic Aqeedah and the Ahkam Shari’iah at a young age, such as worship, morals, dress code, foods, and transactions.

- It is highly recommended to call the Adhan and Iqamah in the newborn’s ear at birth, the Adhan is called in the right ear, and the Iqamah in the left ear, as reported by Ibn Al-Sani, by Al-Hussain bin Ali (ra) that the Messenger of Allah (saw) said:

«مَنْ وُلِدَ لَهُ مَوْلُودٌ، فَأَذَّنَ فِي أُذُنِهِ الْيُمْنَى، وَأَقَامَ فِي أُذُنِهِ الْيُسْرَى، لَمْ يَضُرَّهُ أُمُّ الصِّبْيَانِ»

“If a person has a baby and recites Adhan to his right ear and Iqamah to his left ear, the disease of ummusibyan will not harm him (jinn will not harm him).”

- Teaching a child the supplications of eating, drinking and using the bathroom.

- Teaching a child the parts of the Qur’an so that he/she could perform prayer at the age of seven, as instructed by the Messenger of Allah (saw):

«مُرُوا أَبْنَاءَكُمْ بِالصَّلَاةِ لِسَبْعِ سِنِينَ، وَاضْرِبُوهُمْ عَلَيْهَا لِعَشْرِ سِنِينَ، وَفَرِّقُوا بَيْنَهُمْ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ»

"Command your children to pray when they become seven years old, and beat them for it (prayer) when they become ten years old; and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately.” [Ahmad]

The parents should use loving means and methods to accustom children to prayer and fasting from a young age, because these acts of worship need to be trained from an early age.

The Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, used to train their children to fast, and if one of them cried out of hunger, they gave him/her some toys to play with to distract them from asking for food.

- Teaching children the Seerah of the Prophet (saw) and his attributes, one of the companions said: “we used to teach our children about the battles of the Messenger of Allah, as (much as) teaching them verses of the Quran.”

- Children should also be raised with the consciousness of Allah (swt) in their actions and their behavior, fearing Him (swt), obeying Him, and avoiding His prohibitions.

2. Humanitarian Value: Allah (swt) created the procreation instinct in humans, an attribute in humans which drives them to maintain the survival of the human race.

Manifestations of this instinct include the emotions of fatherhood, sonship, and motherhood, and if it were not for these emotions, the human race would no longer cease to exist; parents would not have patience for caring for their children, and they would not provide for them, rear them and comfort them during their illness and consider their welfares. Allah (swt) says:

(الْمَالُ وَالْبَنُونَ زِينَةُ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا)

“Wealth and children are an adornment of this world's life.” [Al-Kahf: 46]

He (swt) also says:

(وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا)

“And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous." [25:74]

In contrast to the vigilant emotions that protect children and help them in their lives, Allah (swt) asked children to love their parents, know their rights, respect them by being righteous to them, obeying them and being kind and compassionate to them, and serving them in their old age.

Allah (swt) says:

وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلاَّ تَعْبُدُواْ إِلاَّ إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلاَهُمَا فَلاَ تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ وَلاَ تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلاً كَرِيمًا * وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.”” [Al-Isra’ 23-24]

Humanitarian values also include being good to neighbors, friends, people in general, and relatives specifically, and to be cooperative with them and assist them in meeting their needs. The Messenger of Allah (saw) said:

«وَاللَّهُ فِي عَوْنِ الْعَبْدِ مَا كَانَ الْعَبْدُ فِي عَوْنِ أَخِيهِ»

“Allah will aid a servant [of His] so long as the servant aids his brother.” [Narrated by Muslim]

3. Moral Values: Morality is a characteristic associated to the person and is an attribute in him. Children must be raised from a young age on honesty, integrity, loyalty, and purification of the tongue from insults and profanity. They should be raised on rising above abjection and all that degrades chivalry. They should be taught how to control themselves and their emotions, so that they are able to channel their emotions and direct reaction to thinking. So if one insulted or cursed the child, he does not rush immediately to react and take revenge from him, but calms down and controls himself, and prevents his self from being drawn into rage. On the authority of Abu Huraira said that the Messenger of Allah (saw) said,

«لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ، إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ»

“The strong man is not the good wrestler; but the strong man is he who controls himself when he is angry.” (Narrated by Bukhari & Muslim)

The parent should be a role model in that, so he should not lie to his children on the pretext to silence their cries or to encourage them in something, or to soothe their anger because they will learn to lie and mimic that behavior. Abu Dawud and Al-Bayhaqi reported that Abdullah bin Amer in Rabi’ah (raa) said: The Messenger of Allah (saw) came to my mother when I was a child, so I ran outside, and my mother called me saying: Oh Abdullah, come take this, so the Messenger of Allah (saw) asked her: «مَاذَا تُعْطِيهِ؟» “What did you intend to give him?” She said: “I’m giving him dates”. He (saw) said:

«أَمَا إِنَّكِ لَوْ لَمْ تَفْعَلِي كُتِبَتْ عَلَيْكِ كِذْبَةً»

“If you were not to give him anything, a lie would be recorded against you.”

Ladder of Values: People have differed in determining the priorities of achieving values; so if a value conflicted with another value, and there was time to achieve only one value, what would be the parameter that should be referred to in determining the value to be achieved. This matter cannot be left to the human mind to determine as the environment and the circumstances influence it, and because it carries the human specifications of deficiency, limitation and need. The safest way to determine priorities of values is to refer back to Islam, revealed by Allah (swt) to the people; He (swt) is The Expert in what is in the hearts of people, The All-Knowing of what they need.

(أَلَا يَعْلَمُ مَنْ خَلَقَ وَهُوَ اللَّطِيفُ الْخَبِيرُ)

“Should He not know what He created? And He is the Subtle, the Aware.” [Al-Mulk: 14]

Islam did not make the values in a rigid order that does not change, it may be vital to achieve a humanitarian value at the expense of spiritual value. For example, if a mother is praying and her son was standing close to a fire source

- If she waited to complete her prayer then move him out of the danger, the child could die or become injured, therefore, it is imperative that she immediately leave her prayer and move the boy away from the source of danger.

And perhaps the material value could be given a priority over the spiritual value, it was narrated that Omar Ibn al-Khattab passed by a congregation in the masjid who were worshipping Allah (swt) outside the prayer time, and at the time when people go to their jobs, he said to them: Who are you? They said: We are Almutawakkilun the ones who depend on Allah (for rizq), he struck them with a stick and said to them: no, you are Al-mutawaakilun you depend on each other, you know that the sky does not rain gold or silver.

But for the most part, the spiritual value is given a priority over the material value, Allah (swt) says:

(يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِذَا نُودِي لِلصَّلَاةِ مِن يَوْمِ الْجُمُعَةِ فَاسْعَوْا إِلَى ذِكْرِ اللَّهِ وَذَرُوا الْبَيْعَ ذَلِكُمْ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ إِن كُنتُمْ تَعْلَمُونَ)

“O ye who believe! When the call is proclaimed to prayer on Friday (the Day of Assembly), hasten earnestly to the Remembrance of Allah, and leave off business (and traffic):

That is best for you if ye but knew!” [Al-Jumuah: 9]

Indeed, the spiritual value is given a priority over the humanitarian value and the material value. Allah (swt) says:

قُلْ إِن كَانَ آبَاؤُكُمْ وَأَبْنَآؤُكُمْ وَإِخْوَانُكُمْ وَأَزْوَاجُكُمْ وَعَشِيرَتُكُمْ وَأَمْوَالٌ اقْتَرَفْتُمُوهَا وَتِجَارَةٌ تَخْشَوْنَ كَسَادَهَا وَمَسَاكِنُ تَرْضَوْنَهَا أَحَبَّ إِلَيْكُم مِّنَ اللّهِ وَرَسُولِهِ وَجِهَادٍ فِي سَبِيلِهِ فَتَرَبَّصُواْ حَتَّى يَأْتِيَ اللّهُ بِأَمْرِهِ وَاللّهُ لاَ يَهْدِي الْقَوْمَ الْفَاسِقِينَ

“Say: If your fathers, and your sons, and your brethren, and your wives, and your tribe, and the wealth ye have acquired, and merchandise for which ye fear that there will be no sale, and dwellings ye desire are dearer to you than Allah and His messenger and striving in His way: then wait till Allah bringeth His command to pass. Allah guideth not wrong doing folk.” [At-Tauba: 24]

Written for the Central Media Office of Hizb ut Tahrir by
Najah Al Sabatin – Wilayah Jordan